Never Feed Me Sour Spoils

I like to hear from you today
What you did and where you stayed
It's nice to know who sat with you
How icy blue your morning was
How warm the breeze
How cool the moon

I like to kiss your cheek each night
When you lay down
It's great to see you smile

What doesn't feel as good is this
The news we heard today
Some more got sick
A few more died
A car crashed through the crowd

Don't tell me anything tonight
Just hold me close and let me cry

Sadness

Each time they leave
A pout appears
Screaming, no wait for me
I've got a gift to give to you
Don't leave
Not now
Not yet
Don't go
Why don't you stay tonight
I'll miss you when you're gone
When they go she goes and plays
Then licks her wounds
Goes to sleep
The door bell rings
She runs and jumps
They're here
Hooray, hooray

Pussy Licking

Like a dog with its tail between its legs
He arrived after another long day
Put down his bag
Washed his hands
Made dinner

It was payback
Payback for the night before
After another long day
When all he wanted to do was to get away

You can't do that when you have a crisis to deal with
Some things can't wait
So today he didn't complain about making dinner
Or how much money was spent on frivolities

He listened to everything she told him
He was involved
And at night they spoke
Too bad tomorrow the debt will have been paid

Stop Action

So, this is the thing
Today was supposed to be productive
Openly stated and under prepared
Perhaps the target might be met

Alas, perhaps tomorrow
Concise thoughts led to nothing useful
Technically speaking there is no excuse
It should have been done by now
Only the papers lay scattered
Nothing to be proud of

Rebirth

All your life you live as you
Then one day somebody new
Comes to live and share your home
Gives a feeling of being reborn
An exit wound turns your soul
On its ear as though alone
With each passing day you find
A new identity behind
The words and actions of your youth
Have led you to this place on Earth

Waiting

We came and looked
We went away
At home we spoke
Decided
I went alone
We spoke some more
A little less divided
Somehow a day was spent that way
It should have gone by faster
At home we looked and spoke some more
Move this one here and flip the door
The children let us do this
A simple change
Should be a minute
Instead a day went by
Oh, well
It's done
Now we wait
We'll know by noon tomorrow
Will it be ours
Probably so
A house will be a home now

All I want is ....

A long time ago I wanted to come up with the perfect wish.
I was outside and looking at absolutely nothing because the only sources of light were millions of years away.
Wish I may, wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.
What should it be?
What do I want?
Be careful what you wish for.
Word it just right.
There will always be a loop hole in the wish you wish tonight.
So I wished for something that is neutral, with a secret garden hidden inside.
I wished for everything to be alright.
So, it has been.
Now that it is, I worry.
Dare I wish for something more?
Greed kills.
Greed robs us of the equilibrium that peace brings.
Still I wish I may, I wish I might ....
No!
Stop!
No wishing!
Be
Glad
For
What
You
Have

Wish to keep it.

Fear

All I want it to stop being afraid to lose what I have.
I have spent my life leading myself to the riverbed through which my hopes and dreams may flow into reality.
Now, I am scared of the damn.
I am helpless and tongue tied.
To wish for anything at all would be to tempt fate.

A long time ago, my grandmother taught me to read cards.
With the lessons came a warning.
You can only read the cards, not tell them what to say.
If you try, they will lie to you.
Like the goldfish, sick of the fisherman's wife
To wish for anything more could do that, too.

So, I will not wish for anything else.
Except, all I want is for everything to be alright.

Oh, Maryanne

Lick your wounds and dust your skirt
Brush your hair and smile
You know that time has been unkind
The years have passed you by

Chances that were never taken
Disasters left undone
No gains from ventures best unspoken
No milk stains on the floor

Children did not give you headaches
Or jump upon your couch
Now nobody will visit
Sunday dinners still for one

Your heart aches came only from watching
Soap operas and prime time
You stayed away from cads and liars
You learned off of the backs of others
Making no mistakes

Today the sun rose over head
The birds chirped and the trees have started blooming
The squirrels and birds have come and gone
The paper stays unread

The coffee cup is empty now
Your bank account still full
You're ready now to take a risk
But, who will risk on you?

So We Decided To Sleep

One day in the deep stark forest of my mind
I lay awake in bed and dreamt
Of shadows that passed over head
Of memories that long ago had nothing to do with me

It seemed to last a while before
He walked through the room
Not looking my way even once
The water flushed and then he lay beside me

He turned around
His back to me
Then my mind started to wander
How much does any of this matter

We only live by pure coincidence
We float in open space
Not much keeps us safe from things that choose to crash our way
Sometimes I try to tell him
He can't say much to this
He only shakes his head and says
"What do you want from me?"

Ruins Of A Party

They sit and soak
All day and night
Hoping for somebody
To come and wash the dried on ruins
Of super that's gone by

Beside them lie
The silver tools
That aided in the doing
No more in glory and in shine
But with a lot of stuck on grime

The pots and bowls are not much cleaner
They wait their turn to come as well
And in the distance they lie thinking
That it is just about time

To go to bed
Leave till tomorrow
The toil and the dryness
Of hands that have to scrub and rinse
These dishes of mine

Fridays

For every day that it is not
Remember that no time at all will bring it back again
It never seemed to matter, when I was just a kid
Despite what everybody said
Another day is all it was
Yet now the angst is real and just
Somehow it doesn't matter that I wish my life away waiting for another Friday

Longing for a do over

Last night the rain was falling
On my head it kept pouring
No longer dry
Grey hair hung limp
Inside the coat my skin felt damp
Near me the puddles rippled
Gust of wind blowing right through me

For the record it was more like a decade ago
On our honeymoon
Restless and much less than romantic

Atmospheric pressure adding to the tension

Downright eccentric approach to relaxation
On my left hand a ring

On my right side a husband
Venturing into the next chapter
Earshot away and deaf through the fog
Rapturous bouncing and sharing the news

Laughter

Today I held my son and felt him laugh. The warmth of his body against my naked skin filled me completely. It wasn't like when I used to hold my daughter. That used to send electric shocks through my body. This was different, and still the same.

Entitlement Of The Immature Youth

Universities and Colleges are starting to complain that students today are not mature enough to handle higher education. They blame the problem on a pervasive sense of entitlement and an overly casual work ethic. It seems that as a result of attempting to keep kids in school, schools have abandoned teaching the core values of respect for others, self-discipline, and the ability to learn independently.

A long time ago the concept of social conscience did not exist. With time people realized that a society cannot be healthy and productive if it does not take care of the most vulnerable. This meant that children, the elderly and the infirm were not simply the responsibility of their caregivers. Things like the Industrial Revolution and Great Depression helped expand the list and introduced Guilds and Unions as forces to be reckoned with.

Since then, each subsequent generation somehow adopted the notion that their share of social welfare is a human right. Today, Western Society is plagued with a suffocating sense of entitlement. Where the original idea grew out of desperate need and the thought that those who are able bodied and of sound mind will naturally contribute in a positive way to support those who are not, today we are at the opposite end of the spectrum.

Today we, as a society, are chocking under the pressure of trying to figure out how to deal with escalating gang violence and overall mediocrity. Recent trends in attempting to keep kids in school and deal with funding issues in the education system have created a generation of people that are ill equipped to understand the past or educate the future. They will not be the bright minds that will help overcome the many complex issues we
face even now. What can you say of teachers whose assignments contain spelling and grammatical errors?

Rightfully so, we have moved away from the days when teachers could physically punish students in the classroom. But, now teachers are the ones fearing for their lives each time they enter their hallowed institutions. Why are we trying so hard to force these kids to go to school this way? There are other options.

If they don’t want to learn by sitting in a classroom and choosing to contribute to a positive environment, free of violence and abuse, give them a choice: Collective farm terms where they have to work for food and board, or apprentice programs for a skilled trade. Each option would necessarily enforce things like self-discipline, problem solving skills, healthy self-pride, and a genuine understanding of true community involvement.

It would also provide them with an ability to earn a living without turning to a life of crime or being a burden on the system. The farm option would have the added benefit of giving local farmers some much needed labor and ultimately improve locally grown food supplies and reduce the price of delivering food to the table. The apprentice route would fill a current void in skilled-trades.

If neither option is voluntarily selected, what ever happened to the idea of boot camps? It would be a last resort but, much more effective than attempting to force people to sit in classrooms without any noticeable benefit. High schools, Colleges, and Universities should return to being valuable institutions where people who want to learn something can do so from teachers who are qualified and able to teach. Perhaps then, as a society, we can move away from the rut we have been stuck in since the 1960’s. Perhaps now we can go back to filling schools with people who actually care if the bridges they build don’t collapse, planes don’t fall out of the skies, and customer service is more than a long forgotten Utopian notion.

Dignity

It used to be that I could say
With merit and restraint
That when a breast of mine must show
It would be with discretion

I used to care who saw it
It was for private view
This big round object of desire
That men were often drawn to

It used to be that they would see
In me somebody whom
Funky stuff was done to

Today that is not quite the case
It's strictly utilitarian
A source of food for babes and kings
Withdrawn from hiding at the fairgrounds

Not one does turn to look at me
As feeding time begins
We might be at the mall
We might be at the playground
We might be at a holy place
Or seated at the food court

Nobody cares to look my way
It doesn't shock or scare
Nobody thinks its odd to see a boob in open daylight
One day I might just hide away this object of desire
That day is not today as my despot wants to find it

the corner stone

a title should have upper case
so should a landmark
this one doesn't
it's a rock
it's always been a rock and always will be
it sits at a fork in the road and used to stand out

in time that changed
things grew around it
more people died
more graves were filled
it got harder to decide where to turn
the tree was easier to find back then, too
now it's not as small and not the only one
now you really have to hunt
especially if you don't go that often

it's always going to be a rock
it will always stay alone at the fork in the road
the tree can grow
you expect trees to grow
but, not the rock

Husband

I'll tell you a tale of a peculiar beast
The man who wed one day
That day, I know not why, sweat pouring down his face
He did not bother to correct
The way I did in error
Light the candle in the middle
I asked him why
He simply said "I wasn't going to correct you."

I'll tell you a myth of a man
That should be all sorts of wonderful things
Then I'll tell you the truth of a lovely man
Who today made chicken soup

There are so many times that I
Perhaps should keep my cool
So many moments when the mind reels at how he thinks
Not what he should be doing

Then I will think of many times I've trembled before others
Feeling less than secure
Not knowing how to fit in
So why do I have no control of hurtful things I've told him

Who is this beast and why is it
That days and years go by
When we do not connect at all
Heaping painful actions

Who knows what many years will bring
If we will be together
There are some times that bind us now
But, nothing bound us then
We could have walked away a million times

Somehow, we did not choose to.

The Problem With Illness

Yesterday she spent the day throwing up as I spent it helplessly trying to be of service.
All the while watching and waiting and hoping that it wouldn't affect anybody else.
Thankful that she wasn't having dry heaves.
Thankful each time that she leaned over the edge instead of needing another change of clothes.
I was running out of clothes.

Yesterday I went to bed early.
I couldn't tell if I was tired or sick.
Or sick and tired.

The day before yesterday everything was fine.
Today we had chicken noodle soup for breakfast and a big lunch.
Then HE got sick.
At least I didn't have to make dinner.
At least he threw up instead of just wanting to.
It's worse when you just want to.

Tonight they're all asleep.
Tomorrow maybe I'll be next.
Maybe I'll make a really long tonight so that tomorrow won't happen.

Each illness is unpleasant.
This isn't really illness if it passes in a day.

Doubt and Loathing

I'm not a good m....
I'm not a good w....
I'm not a good w....
I'm not a good p....

I have a short fuse.
I'm short on sleep.
I don't know how to love.
I'm filled with rage and doubt.

I'm disparate.
I'm desperate.
I have nobody.

I love nobody.

It isn't true. If it was true, it wouldn't matter.
I wouldn't be losing sleep over it.
I wouldn't toss and turn.
I wouldn't have regrets.

Nobody would have showed up even though I never thought they would.

How does one have no doubts.
Does that happen?

Something Else To Say

My head is filled with buzzing and noise. A whirlwind of activity. The idea of wind is what really strikes me at the moment. Iconic and poetic in its simple definition. So much all at once that nothing seems to stick long enough to explore further.

The day was spent ducking hourly vomit eruptions and thanking lucky stars that the other one seems to be safe for now. It would be worse if both sides were afflicted at the same time. What would I do then? Somehow, leaving the safety of home with all its amenities was exactly what I had to do to reach some sort of calm.

I expected some sort of sympathy and help. Well, I got the help. There's a price for everything, you know. Now, I have what I wanted all day but, it doesn't matter. I won't make the most of it. I can't. Not when the day starts with an urgent pitter-patter and then a sobbing "mommy, I threw up". "Where?" "In my room". Sob, sob.

It ended quietly, and calmly. Thank goodness for drugs. Especially the kind in liquid form. Especially when you didn't think they made the kind.

The bottom line is I want more... and less. Then, I cry about wanting something else, when this is already more than I could have had. Then I worry about losing what I have because I didn't value it. Now is the time to play on the floor instead of worrying about unfinished self-made promises.

The Wanting

Of Gods and Queens and finer things,
I do declare thee done.

Of Kings, bar maids, and dust mites,
My dreams are filled with thine.

Of suns and moons and silver slivers,
I peak into your mind.

Of love and lust and destiny,
For you I do decline.

Sunrise

Tell me
Tell me
What is true?
For I know not this day.
I blink
I cry
I fear to die
And yet I must away

A child's tears

I stay with great humility
That none should disagree
Her kisses are the best by far
In their simplicity

Each tear she sheds
Lead her astray
From mountains she must climb

Each fall, each drop
Cause her to bounce
Before the tears run dry

The urgent plea for one more hug
A testament, a swearing
Of oaths and bliss and honey bees
Her childhood and her glory