I had an epiphany a long time ago. Actually, it was an anti-epiphany. The sort that prompts artists more talented than me to burn their brushes and canvasses. I've never been so extreme though I do feel mediocre.
I'm not mediocre. A bit average but not mediocre. Potential is there but so are many, many nagging thoughts, mostly put there by those who wish me well.
So, the epiphany is this: if you listen to the people who mean you well instead of be brave enough to try anyway, you'll never get close to quenching that thirst.
Do I want to be a famous, established artist who makes a living at painting? Truth be told, I couldn't care less. I have never been motivated by money or the impressions of others. I have, however, always wanted to have an art studio, filled with large canvasses and paint, paint, glorious paint, everywhere. I have always seen myself in the midst of colour and life and in a dream am too afraid to fall asleep to even come close to dreaming, I see myself fearlessly attacking a canvass the size of a house, music blaring and hearing nothing but movement.
So, I've started. I'm on my third painting and I wouldn't say they are particularly good but I don't want to correct them or change them. Not because they can't be made better or because I'm in a rush to move on to the next one but because each one is like a dent on the road to a destination. In each mistake there was a motivating purpose. It's only paint.
My question tonight was: if I display it for public view will I only be embarrassing myself? The answer: "no". My second question: does it smell of amateur? "yes", though put differently "it has the potential for great commercial success." Interpretation: I need practice. I need to work harder. That's fine. I need to study? Always.
But, back to "Broken Axle Spinning Blind", my poetry and my cover, ... no real education behind it. Only pure depth of feeling and lots of heart and I still love it.
So, maybe I'll hold off a bit before showcasing the stuff until I can show skill as well as talent.
