I'm not a good m....
I'm not a good w....
I'm not a good w....
I'm not a good p....
I have a short fuse.
I'm short on sleep.
I don't know how to love.
I'm filled with rage and doubt.
I'm disparate.
I'm desperate.
I have nobody.
I love nobody.
It isn't true. If it was true, it wouldn't matter.
I wouldn't be losing sleep over it.
I wouldn't toss and turn.
I wouldn't have regrets.
Nobody would have showed up even though I never thought they would.
How does one have no doubts.
Does that happen?
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Something Else To Say
My head is filled with buzzing and noise. A whirlwind of activity. The idea of wind is what really strikes me at the moment. Iconic and poetic in its simple definition. So much all at once that nothing seems to stick long enough to explore further.
The day was spent ducking hourly vomit eruptions and thanking lucky stars that the other one seems to be safe for now. It would be worse if both sides were afflicted at the same time. What would I do then? Somehow, leaving the safety of home with all its amenities was exactly what I had to do to reach some sort of calm.
I expected some sort of sympathy and help. Well, I got the help. There's a price for everything, you know. Now, I have what I wanted all day but, it doesn't matter. I won't make the most of it. I can't. Not when the day starts with an urgent pitter-patter and then a sobbing "mommy, I threw up". "Where?" "In my room". Sob, sob.
It ended quietly, and calmly. Thank goodness for drugs. Especially the kind in liquid form. Especially when you didn't think they made the kind.
The bottom line is I want more... and less. Then, I cry about wanting something else, when this is already more than I could have had. Then I worry about losing what I have because I didn't value it. Now is the time to play on the floor instead of worrying about unfinished self-made promises.
The day was spent ducking hourly vomit eruptions and thanking lucky stars that the other one seems to be safe for now. It would be worse if both sides were afflicted at the same time. What would I do then? Somehow, leaving the safety of home with all its amenities was exactly what I had to do to reach some sort of calm.
I expected some sort of sympathy and help. Well, I got the help. There's a price for everything, you know. Now, I have what I wanted all day but, it doesn't matter. I won't make the most of it. I can't. Not when the day starts with an urgent pitter-patter and then a sobbing "mommy, I threw up". "Where?" "In my room". Sob, sob.
It ended quietly, and calmly. Thank goodness for drugs. Especially the kind in liquid form. Especially when you didn't think they made the kind.
The bottom line is I want more... and less. Then, I cry about wanting something else, when this is already more than I could have had. Then I worry about losing what I have because I didn't value it. Now is the time to play on the floor instead of worrying about unfinished self-made promises.
The Wanting
Of Gods and Queens and finer things,
I do declare thee done.
Of Kings, bar maids, and dust mites,
My dreams are filled with thine.
Of suns and moons and silver slivers,
I peak into your mind.
Of love and lust and destiny,
For you I do decline.
I do declare thee done.
Of Kings, bar maids, and dust mites,
My dreams are filled with thine.
Of suns and moons and silver slivers,
I peak into your mind.
Of love and lust and destiny,
For you I do decline.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Sunrise
Tell me
Tell me
What is true?
For I know not this day.
I blink
I cry
I fear to die
And yet I must away
Tell me
What is true?
For I know not this day.
I blink
I cry
I fear to die
And yet I must away
A child's tears
I stay with great humility
That none should disagree
Her kisses are the best by far
In their simplicity
Each tear she sheds
Lead her astray
From mountains she must climb
Each fall, each drop
Cause her to bounce
Before the tears run dry
The urgent plea for one more hug
A testament, a swearing
Of oaths and bliss and honey bees
Her childhood and her glory
That none should disagree
Her kisses are the best by far
In their simplicity
Each tear she sheds
Lead her astray
From mountains she must climb
Each fall, each drop
Cause her to bounce
Before the tears run dry
The urgent plea for one more hug
A testament, a swearing
Of oaths and bliss and honey bees
Her childhood and her glory
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
A Life of Choice
Regarding Abortion I would like to point out that the opposition to Pro-life is not Pro-abortion, it is Pro-choice. According to Pro-life, life begins at conception. But, just because an organism lives, it does not immediately mean that it has a heart and a brain, or even a soul.
But, let’s say that it does. Consider the surprisingly all too common spontaneous miscarriage. It is also, by definition, an abortion. Perhaps we should expect the government to do something about unplanned abortions. We could petition for mandated funeral services or force women before a tribunal, or criminal court, to determine if they contributed to a potentially negligent loss of life.
If the government can force a woman to carry an unwanted child to term perhaps they can also do something to force parents to love that child. For physical or mental disabilities, we should not sleep until a government that forces a woman or couple to knowingly enter a life of pain and sacrifice, be mandated to more adequately assist those families. Or, perhaps it does not matter what happens to those lives as long as they are forced to exist.
But, let’s say that it does. Consider the surprisingly all too common spontaneous miscarriage. It is also, by definition, an abortion. Perhaps we should expect the government to do something about unplanned abortions. We could petition for mandated funeral services or force women before a tribunal, or criminal court, to determine if they contributed to a potentially negligent loss of life.
If the government can force a woman to carry an unwanted child to term perhaps they can also do something to force parents to love that child. For physical or mental disabilities, we should not sleep until a government that forces a woman or couple to knowingly enter a life of pain and sacrifice, be mandated to more adequately assist those families. Or, perhaps it does not matter what happens to those lives as long as they are forced to exist.
Demise of Democracy
There is a basic flaw in Democracy where people are permitted to debate each other’s right to exist. The conflict in Israel is rooted in one side’s love of life and their belief that they have a right to exist and the other side’s disagreement on both points. One of the founding ideas of the Democratic process is that all people have a right to life. So, what we must really be debating here is if Jews are people.
All Israeli offensives are attempts to control random acts of terrorism against its people. Supporters of Hamas say they were firing rockets into Israel to protest an impossible situation created by the blockades. How quickly they disregard that the blockades were a last resort against both voluntary and involuntary martyrdom of civilians through suicide bombing attacks against Israeli heavily populated areas.
Traffic in and out of Gaza, including food and aid supplies, was being used to smuggle suicide bombers. Anti-Israeli supporters’ tolerance of the “Kill All Jews” doctrine, their condemnation of Israel’s efforts to guard against it, and world-wide tolerance for Hamas is nothing new. Democracy, by comparison, is fairly new. If we continue to condone and debate any group’s right to declare and attempt to carry out genocide, the struggle in the Middle-East will continue long after North America has ceased to be a place of equal rights for all.
All Israeli offensives are attempts to control random acts of terrorism against its people. Supporters of Hamas say they were firing rockets into Israel to protest an impossible situation created by the blockades. How quickly they disregard that the blockades were a last resort against both voluntary and involuntary martyrdom of civilians through suicide bombing attacks against Israeli heavily populated areas.
Traffic in and out of Gaza, including food and aid supplies, was being used to smuggle suicide bombers. Anti-Israeli supporters’ tolerance of the “Kill All Jews” doctrine, their condemnation of Israel’s efforts to guard against it, and world-wide tolerance for Hamas is nothing new. Democracy, by comparison, is fairly new. If we continue to condone and debate any group’s right to declare and attempt to carry out genocide, the struggle in the Middle-East will continue long after North America has ceased to be a place of equal rights for all.
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