Boxing Day 2011

I feel about as satisfied as can be today. The madness is over and now for a few weeks of rest. There are meetings in the not too distant future and crazy deadlines and all kinds of obligations but for now all I have to do is be here.

No place I'd rather be.

a fond farewell

After 41 years of marriage a woman suddenly gets diagnosed with cancer and dies 3 months later, leaving behind eight grand children, three children, and a very lonely husband. The hall was packed and tears were shed.

The pastor... don't know if it was just me... seemed somewhat bored with the proceedings but this was all taken in stride. Nobody was there for the pastor.

The most amazing thing is it was the women who were better able to holding together. The men cried like babies ... so did I, though not a guy.

Twitter is for twits

So, I'm a twit. I still don't get so much of it but I tweet. It is amazing how much closer you get to the strangest people. There is no way that somebody I watch on TV or whose books I grew up adulating would ever get anywhere close to hearing something I had to say if it were not for Twitter. With Twitter I am right there, right with them. Unbelievable. Cool. Scary.

The point, of course, is to reach out and connect through social media. It is the intent to spread your social circles and expand your ability to interface but does it ever feel like cyber stalking at times.

Well wishers

Got a call this morning from somebody who loves me. Seems that the past evening's conversation weighed heavily on his mind. He did not mean to discourage, only to shield.

It is the sort of rationalization that has kept me from producing all these years... the idea that my eye and hand are not trained. The point is that it could be. Why not? All it takes is the doing. It is not impossible. I just have to want to. I don't think I ever really fully realized that I just had to want to. It was never that I was not good enough.

With maturity, you do gain further understanding. I get it now and it isn't stopping me. Not anymore. Now, it doesn't matter if I will succeed at it because it is no longer the point to succeed at it. It is only to do. I am doing.

I am an artist

I had an epiphany a long time ago. Actually, it was an anti-epiphany. The sort that prompts artists more talented than me to burn their brushes and canvasses. I've never been so extreme though I do feel mediocre.

I'm not mediocre. A bit average but not mediocre. Potential is there but so are many, many nagging thoughts, mostly put there by those who wish me well.

So, the epiphany is this: if you listen to the people who mean you well instead of be brave enough to try anyway, you'll never get close to quenching that thirst.

Do I want to be a famous, established artist who makes a living at painting? Truth be told, I couldn't care less. I have never been motivated by money or the impressions of others. I have, however, always wanted to have an art studio, filled with large canvasses and paint, paint, glorious paint, everywhere. I have always seen myself in the midst of colour and life and in a dream am too afraid to fall asleep to even come close to dreaming, I see myself fearlessly attacking a canvass the size of a house, music blaring and hearing nothing but movement.

So, I've started. I'm on my third painting and I wouldn't say they are particularly good but I don't want to correct them or change them. Not because they can't be made better or because I'm in a rush to move on to the next one but because each one is like a dent on the road to a destination. In each mistake there was a motivating purpose. It's only paint.

My question tonight was: if I display it for public view will I only be embarrassing myself? The answer: "no". My second question: does it smell of amateur? "yes", though put differently "it has the potential for great commercial success." Interpretation: I need practice. I need to work harder. That's fine. I need to study? Always.

But, back to "Broken Axle Spinning Blind", my poetry and my cover, ... no real education behind it. Only pure depth of feeling and lots of heart and I still love it.

So, maybe I'll hold off a bit before showcasing the stuff until I can show skill as well as talent.

Apathy

Haven't written in a while. In part because I've been busy. In part because I have been thinking of shutting down the blog. Today I'm glad I didn't. I have something to say and I hope you'll listen, take note, and spread the word.

There's been more and more talk lately about onlookers observing as an injustice takes place. More and more, rather than intervening on behalf of somebody being beaten to a pulp, video tape it and post it to YouTube. Sheep. That's what they all are.

I stepped in today and when I turned around found that the onlookers did not back me up. If the mob had turned on me, I would had been toast and nobody would have helped. I went home wondering if I had been out of line or overreacted. I hadn't but those around me certainly under-reacted.

We tell our children to not get involved because we don't want them to get hurt. We teach them to not stand up for what is right. Would I change this message for my children? NO! I don't want them to get shot, stabbed, beaten... but what if we don't stand up anymore?

Is it because we are scared or because we don't care or does it even matter?

What do we do now? Those who will perpetrate are invincible because nobody will stand against them and they have no reason to fear repercussion until after the fact. Are they shamed by the public airing of their deeds? Does the fact that they get arrested AFTER THE FACT serve as some sort of deterrent?

Come on people! What are we going to do about this? What is the answer?

adjusting your comfort level

So, today is my birthday. It's 11:24pm so I can still say that it currently is my birthday. The day was wonderful, for the most part. I told the hubby that I wanted to be able to use my TV as a computer monitor and lo and behold, here I am: Sitting on my couch and typing this blog from a brand spanking new wireless keyboard and maneuvering with a wireless mouse.

The cable he bought was exactly perfect, despite some initial concerns from somebody with a completely different computer.

Anyway, this is a bit of a diversion. The big project is almost put to bed and I plan on using this very same keyboard to finish it off with. It is a bit different in terms of feel but so far, so good.

Only thing is I keep looking for that blasted track pad that I thankfully don't have to use anymore. Go figure!